


Life is Just a Classroom

by Emejig16



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-02-16 20:53:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13061943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emejig16/pseuds/Emejig16
Summary: | Phil is bad at math and Dan is more than a pastel color wearing genius, he just needs the right person to see that.





	Life is Just a Classroom

There are very few things in the world that Phil would claim to understand. Some things were just clear to him. Things like why you shouldn’t stick a fork in a socket and the dangers of driving while intoxicated–ideas with tangibility and definite facts. Unfortunately his list was embarrassingly short when compared to all of the things he just didn’t get but knew he could one day understand. For example Calculus, the weather, space, and himself– _another great example_. But if there was anything that never failed to dumbfound him, it was how someone could manage to spend the entire class period tapping their pencil against a desk.  
  
Phil sighed and rested his head against his left palm. He was trying to enjoy one of the few things he did understand: the rain. Normally he’d be lost in some dull daydream, where the gentle hiss of the pouring rain would inspire great ideas to draw about or photograph, however that wasn’t happening because all he could think about was, _“tap, tap-tap, tap, tap-t”–Phil come take this pencil out of my hand and snap it in half please._  
  
Of course he would never do that to the prick he was sitting next to. People had a hard enough time believing that he was in fact a docile butterfly. He just liked the black, plaid, and piercings solely for aesthetic reasons. Honestly violence and confrontation were the two main things that made him queasy and afraid to act even when he needed to. Coincidently enough it was for that exact reason why Phil was having a hard time trying to muster up the courage to kindly ask him to stop tapping.  
  
Now you’re probably wondering what kind of a person can not see how annoying he was being? Was it that kid who really hated coming to school and was trying to make a point by disrupting someone else’s learning experience; _nope try again_. Or maybe it was the class bully that no one wanted to mess with, so they let him get away with whatever he pleased; _nope colder, way colder._  
  
“What the hell Dan; can you please stop that?” the girl that sat in front of him asked with an eyeroll.  
  
“Sorry,” he replied back softly, chewing at the skin on his lips.  
  
Yes, none other than the smartest person in the class–Dan Howell–and no, Phil did not just mean their math class but overall. The boy was a floral print, pastel with touches of darker colors wearing genius. What sucked more was the nerd never paid attention in class, yet somehow still managed to do better than everyone else. Phil didn’t have anything against him though; if you’re gifted, you’re gifted. Okay maybe there was just a tinge of jealousy, and traces of an “eye crush” but that was it.

  
“Do you ever get tired of doing that?” Phil asked, sitting up.  
  
“It’s a bad habit,” Dan replied sheepishly.  
  
“Trust me I can tell,” Phil chuckled.  
  
“Sorry,” Dan said again, his cheeks reddening.  
  
“I really don’t want to say it’s okay, because it’s super annoying. But, it’s okay,” Phil said with a smile.

“Sorry,” Dan said again as he looked away from Phil.

Phil watched as Dan picked his pencil back up and started drawing lines and swirls all over his notebook. He couldn’t help but notice the bored glare in Dan eyes as he stared at the board that was filled with what could have actually been hieroglyphs to Phil. It was probably for the best that he went back to paying attention to the notes he was supposed to be taking. However, that didn’t stop Phil from taking one last glance at Dan. Turns out he had been drawing stems for some elaborate looking flowers.

Who would have guessed he liked to doodle too?

-

After nearly a week and a half of not learning a single thing about Integrals, Phil had learned something far more interesting and meaningful to him. While he was busy trying to conceptualize the idea of reverse power rule, Dan doodled every single day in class. When he stopped tapping, he was scribbling in the margins of his notes, and Phil was in complete awe with them. All he could see was this beautiful black and white canvas that he wanted to recreate and fill in with the most gorgeous of colors.

They hadn’t said a single word to each other since last week, yet here he was having a full blown conversation with him. It’s like he was telling Phil, _“I am more than this nerd shell I’m forced to be in and I just want to find a better way to express what makes my mind turn. You see how I dress, and you think you understand me, but here’s a piece of notebook scribbles that tell you otherwise.”_ This made it really hard to even try focusing his thoughts. Phil’s mind was turning miles a minute every single time he sat in his desk.

“You know you’re doing that wrong right?” Dan asked, cocking his head to side and looking at the problem Phil was currently muddling his way through.

“What?” Phil replied, furrowing his brows.

“This problem has to be treated like reverse chain rule,” Dan stated simply as he readjusted the turquoise flower crown that was on his head.

“No, chain rule is for derivatives. This is an integral; see it has that weird squiggly thing and everything.” Phil argued, slightly annoyed yet thankful Dan pointed this out.

“Here,” Dan started as he slid himself a little closer to Phil. “You see integrals are all just reverse derivatives in one way or another. You have to–” Dan stopped writing when he noticed the little drawing Phil had made in the corner of his paper. It was a skull, filled with the same flowers he had been drawing earlier in class.

“Wait what do I do next?” Phil asked, trying to follow Dan’s steps.

“How did you do this?” Dan asked, still eying Phil’s drawing.

“Listen, I’m so confused when it comes to all of this math stuff. I’m honestly just doing whatever to reach some sort of an answer, and–” Phil explained, erasing his old work.

“No, not the math, but you are hopeless at integrals. I meant this,” Dan asked, pointing to the skull.

“Oh that,” Phil mumbled awkwardly.

“Those are the flowers I’ve been drawing.” Dan commented as he grabbed the sheet of notebook paper and put it on Phil’s desk.

“Well, clearly I haven’t been paying any attention to the lesson.” Phil said with a shrug, unsure of how to explain himself.

“You were able to draw what I had drawn just by looking at it? You didn’t need to trace it or anything?” Dan asked, completely astonished at how Phil had managed to even get the smallest of details correct.

“Art is just my thing I guess. I find it very easy to visualize things and make them come to life. Once I picture something I can just go about making it–I don’t know what I’m saying,” Phil explained with a chuckle. “You’re a good artist by the way.”

“You’re a better one.” Dan countered as he went back to solving the problem. Phil watched as he skipped a line in between each step, showing how he had moved from one part of the problem to the next. It was almost like he’d purposely made them resemble a ladder. “Are you seeing this?” Dan asked, taking note of Phil’s silence as he did another problem.

“Sort of?” Phil lied.

“Take it one step at a time, and really think about what is being done at each step,” Dan said with a patient smile. Phil grinned back and took a breath as he looked at the problem from top to bottom.

Believe it or not but Phil actually started to get Calculus just a bit.

-

Phil had never been more thankful to have been placed next to Dan. He didn’t know how to explain it but something about the fact that Dan had told Phil to think of calculus problems as a tangible thing that he could visualize made everything so much clearer; exercises just became so much easier to tackle. It was weird but he wasn’t complaining. Plus he was also getting an opportunity to get to know Dan a little better.

Up until now, he was just another smart kid in his class. He didn’t realize that Dan was this huge dork with an actual sense of humor. He supposed that’s just how school worked. There all of these people around, many of which you see on a daily basis, that you never speak to. You never realize that there is this person right under your nose that you’re going to connect with. Maybe it had to do with him being a creative type but Phil took a weird pleasure in getting to know a new person.

Everyone has things that make them tick, and thoughts and feelings that have been tucked away. Sometimes those thoughts even find a way to slip their way through and make themselves known a little bit more.

“Yes!” Phil exclaimed as he looked at the grade he’d gotten on his quiz.

“Do well?” Dan asked, resting his chin in the palms of his hands.

“Really well!” Phil said back. “I’m not going to ask you how you did because I already know you got a perfect score,” he teased.

“Nope you are wrong. I lost a half point; I forgot a negative sign,” Dan replied with a giggle.

“Oh no, what are you going to do now? Your perfect academic record is now tarnished! How will you go on?” Phil said dramatically.

“Shut up,” Dan retorted.

“Wow I just I can’t believe it. Thanks for helping me out in class; I’d still be so lost without your help,” Phil said genuinely.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dan said, blushing.

“No no no, I’m going to draw you something really nice to say thanks.” Phil insisted.

“Really Phil it’s not necessary–”

“You like flowers right?”

“I actually like space more than I like flowers,” Dan said, giving into Phil.

“You do?” Phil questioned. He would have never guessed. All he’s ever seen Dan in is floral print and a variety of pastel colors and grays and the occasional black. He didn’t think dark blues, purples, with touches of orange and magenta here and there was something that would interest him.

Dan nodded, “I have this galaxy print jumper I’ve always wanted to wear but I feel like it’s not me.”

“Oh, I mean you know you’re more than just one thing right?”

“Maybe, I don’t know. I just, I find it hard because if I can’t tell myself who I am, how am I supposed to be able to tell others? I’m sorry, I’m rambling now. But yeah I like space too.”

“It’s alright.” Phil said with an awkward smile. “Anyways with you around I might just do more than just pass the class.”

“Good because you are good at math. You just need to start telling yourself that and believing it. You may not see it but there’s a lot more than just colors and sketches in your head. You have like this weird grid thing that allows you to do a lot more.” Dan mumbled, playing with a loose string on his shirt.

Phil didn’t have a single clue what he meant by he had a “grid” in his head, but he figured Dan must have been looking into him too. He needed to face facts, he was a bit of an enigma even to himself; it was hard to get through his daydreams and constant need to fuel his creative output. Obviously, there were always other things going on in his mind, but getting to them was not as easy as it seemed. The language of his mind needed to be spoken to him before new doors started opening, and paused gears started turning again.

Dan words lodged themselves in the forefront of his mind, and that’s all he could think about. He just didn’t understand what Dan had meant by that. What could Dan see about his personality that he couldn’t? Phil wanted nothing more than to understand himself, followed by understanding Dan. All he wanted to do was just talk to him and maybe pick up on some of those cues. Right now, all he has is what he sees. Sometimes he has brown straight hair, and other days he has brown curly hair. His wardrobe is pretty up front, but who was Dan Howell under all of the stylish outfits and good grades?

-

“Do you remember what you said the other day?” Phil asked quietly. The two of them were in the library as per usual these days. Dan and Phil always did their math homework together now so that Dan could help Phil out if he needed it.

“Hmm?” Dan replied, chewing the end of his pencil.

“The other day in math class; you said that my mind is like a grid. What did you mean by that?” Phil clarified turning to look at Dan.

Dan shrugged, “I don’t know. I feel like you see everything, specifically art, similar to the way I see numbers. Everything is just this open grid and you can just visualize and roll with it. That’s why I compared calculus to a ladder for you. I figured if you could see something stepping down the problem it wouldn’t seem so difficult or confusing,” Dan explained, blushing slightly.

“You got all of that just from the drawing I’d done in my notebook that day?” Phil asked incredulously. “Wow, I don’t know what to say.”

Dan giggled, “I don’t know, I think we have alike minds in one way or another.”

Phil thought so too.

-

Even though they’d barely been friends for a little over a month, it felt like they had always been friends but just never knew it. Phil felt so comfortable around Dan, and he didn’t feel like he needed to put up any type of persona. With new people he was usually cold, a bit standoffish, but mostly just mysterious. To Phil, if people couldn’t read him, then they would never be able to figure out the things he wanted to forget about himself.

However, that was pretty much impossible to do with Dan. He just had these large sincere brown eyes, and soft gaze that said “Keep talking” and “You’re not telling the entire truth right now”. It was hard to hide from him when he always seemed to be right in front of him.

“Hey punk boy; nice light blue button up,” Dan greeted as he sat down in the grass next to him.

“You’re one to talk. You have clearly compromised your aesthetic by wearing this maroon shirt,” Phil teased back.

“It’s pastel _goth_ you know?” Dan retorted with an eyeroll. “Plus I have a pop of color right here.” Dan stated matter of factly, pointing to his floral vans. “And this flower I just found.”

“I know and it’s absolutely adorable,” Phil said, touching it. He slid the flower behind Dan’s ear.

“Oh thanks,” Dan mumbled back, his cheeks reddening and looking away from Phil.

“I mean it is cute; you’re a cutie,” Phil continued, making himself blush with embarrassment. Why he said it he’s not sure. There was just something so nice about the way the sunlight was highlighting his soft features, and his shy smile. It made him want to capture that same moment but from different standpoints. Basically he was being spoken to artistically, and all he could think of was “you’re cute.”

“So uh you said there was something you wanted to ask me?” Dan asked, biting his lip.

“Oh yeah; I already forgot. Do you maybe want to do something this weekend? I would love to hang out with you away from math and school and the library.” Phil asked.

“You want to hang out with me outside of school?” Dan questioned, a faint pink creeping across his face. “I don’t know about that. I don’t really do much for fun and stuff,” he continued, biting his thumb nail.

“Of course I want to,” Phil said with a chuckle. “Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll even get to see that galaxy jumper you mentioned a while back.”

“Phil, you don’t have to–”

“But I do want to. Unless you don’t want to hang out with me? If so I’d totally understand and then you can disregard everything I’m asking you to do,” Phil rambled.

“No I do want to; I really want to,” Dan quickly said, touching Phil’s arm. He quickly removed his hands and ran them through his wavy hair. “I don’t know. When you hang out with someone it’s a lot of them. And I’m afraid you’re not going to like a lot of me,” Dan said, getting quieter.

Phil placed his hand on Dan’s shoulder, “Trust me I can’t get enough of you.”  

“Stop, you’re making me blush,” Dan said, covering his face.

“No seriously; I love talking to you. And we pretty much do it all of the time between class, Snapchat and texting, so why not just do it in person?” Phil said as he readjusted his beanie.

“I guess you’re right.”

“I know I’m right,” Phil said, nudging Dan. “Com'on what do you say?”

“I say yes, but only because you asked so nicely,” Dan said as he fiddled with the grass.

-

The days and hours leading up to their little hangout were almost daunting for Phil. All he could do to keep himself occupied was work on the drawing he wanted to do for Dan, and dive really far into his coursework, which didn’t work at all.

He was just overflowing with that giddy energy where all you want to do is talk to that person and be around them all of the time. Most other people would have called that a crush but if he didn’t label it as that, then it wasn’t real.

“Dan!” Phil greeted with a wave. “You’re wearing the jumper,” he commented with a smile as he hugged Dan.

“Yeah, I figured why not finally bring it out,” Dan said, pulling the sleeves over his hands.

“I’m glad.”

“So, uh what did you have planned for us today?” Dan questioned.

“Okay, cue the cliche idea, but Starbucks and then photography in the park,” Phil suggested, hoping Dan would totally be all for it.

“Sure!” Dan agreed.

“Good because I want to get good shots of you in that jumper,” Phil teased, bumping Dan.

They only a spent a long enough time at Starbucks to get their drinks, take a few photos, actually drink the drinks, and then left to do more fun things. Talking in a controlled setting is fun, but having to be hushed and not being able to laugh as loud as you’d like isn’t all that enjoyable.

Phil just wanted to feel free to let his mind wander and then do whatever with someone who would actually appreciate it.

“Wanna go to a cool place?” Phil asked, running his index finger along the rim of the mug.

“Depends, do you promise this place is super cool?” Dan asked with an eyebrow raise.

“I promise.” Phil said with a smirk.

“I’ll take your word for it.” Dan responded with a smile.

-

As promised, a few minutes later the two of them were in Phil’s favorite spot. The man-made pond that sat in the middle of the back part of the park. It was nestled in the wooded area that had been manufactured to resemble an area untouched by construction. Still, the flowers that had been scattered around were still and gentle. Phil supposed that once you had a thing for green fields and gorgeous outdoor scenes, nothing could really put that off.

“I like it,” Dan said, looking around. “You could frame some pretty cool things out here.”

“Trust me I have already,” Phil commented as he handed his camera to Dan to look through. Instead of looking for Dan’s reaction, all Phil could see was the little dimple and the two freckles, and the few wavy strands in his straightened hair.

“I have an idea; if you don’t mind?” Dan asked, grabbing Phil’s hand. He led him towards the bank of the pond and motioned for Phil to sit. “Sit here, I’ll be right back.” Dan said. Phil raised an eyebrow as he watched Dan pick several different flowers. “Can you sit with your knees bent, and hold these and this pencil in between your legs. Like rest your arms on your knees,” Dan explained.

Phil couldn’t even say anything. He had no idea what Dan was trying to do, but he was completely stunned by the smile on his face and the excitement in his eyes. He looked alive and like he was feeling some sort of a drive right now. The is the kind of thing he wanted to know about Dan. Favorite colors and animals were fine but what makes you feel alive and will you let anyone see–that’s the real way to get to know a person.

“You can add photographer to your list now,” Phil teased, still holding the pose Dan had put him in.

“You know it.” Dan joked as he changed angles to shoot from. Phil was almost never the subject of his work, but he was going to allow it. He was more than excited to see what Dan was seeing and trying to capture. If he could analyze it, he’d be more than content. His need to understand Dan’s mind would be satiated for now.

“Look more distant, bored, and like you don’t care,” Dan commented, flipping settings. After another several minutes of photos, Dan stepped back and smiled. “Wanna see?”

“Of course I do. Sit next to me,” Phil responded as he sat in a more comfortable position.

“Tell me what you think,” Dan asked as he scrolled through the photos.

Phil took the camera and examined the photos. At first, Dan was just taking pictures of his black boots, his hands and the items in them. He was trying to wrap his mind around what Dan was going for, but everything he was thinking of just didn’t seem right. “Why this shot?” Phil asked quietly.

“I don’t know. I thought it would be artsy.” Dan stated simply, with a giggle.

“I mean it definitely is,” Phil agreed with a chuckle. “I love them all. You make me look like some kindhearted badass.”

“That’s who you are.”

“Huh?”

“I photographed who I think you are: a kind hearted badass.” Dan said with a smile.

Phil held the camera in his hands unable to find any words to speak. This is how someone can genuinely see him. He’s not some amorphous creative energy force. He is something to the others, and he didn’t know what to think. Dan was still talking and he couldn’t find a way to express his reaction to everything he’s saying.

“Phil? Are you crying?” Dan questioned softly.

“Yeah it’s embarrassing,” Phil said with a chuckle, feeling a few other tears roll down his cheeks. “What kind of a punk cries at a park?”

“It’s okay,” Dan comforted, wrapping his arm around Phil’s shoulder and pulling him closer. “Did I say something?”

“No. I don’t know I’m just having such a good time, and I feel so connected right now, and I just haven’t felt this good in a while,” Phil said with a sniffle. “They’re just pathetic tears of joy or whatever.”

“They’re not pathetic, don’t say that,” Dan countered.

“I kind of cry a lot,” Phil said, wiping some stray tears. “I guess that’s why I found myself clinging to the whole punk and alternative aesthetic. I just figured maybe it would stop being a thing if I didn’t seem like that person anymore. Maybe trick myself into being who I actually wanted to be: tough, not afraid to make myself heard, not passive basically.”

“I think we all do that in one way or another. We play tricks on ourselves because if we don’t acknowledge who we are, you don’t have to deal with it.” Dan consoled.

“That’s exactly it,” Phil agreed. “You’re great.”

“You’re pretty great yourself,” Dan said back, squeezing Phil.

And Phil believed him. He was pretty great sometimes and Dan was great all of the time.

-

Eventually, the camera wasn’t enough to delve deeper into one another’s mind. It ended up stowed away in Phil’s bag, while the two of them laid next to each other in the grass. As the clouds rolled by, they watched as the parts of their personalities that they did dare make known spilled forth. All Phil wanted to do was talk, and hear Dan speak too.

And somewhere in the midst of musing about the immensity of space and the ocean the idea of getting ice cream came up. Dan was the first to hop to his feet, pulling Phil along with him. The entire time Phil could only sigh contentedly wondering how a person this genuine and creatively charged could have been so close all of this time he not even notice him.

It was weird and exhilarating to hear a person connect with the same thoughts and feelings he always had. Well, almost the same ones _(they had differing opinions on the best ice cream combinations, best pokemon–you know controversial topics)_. Phil wished he could have spent even more time with Dan and just learn everything about him in one sitting. However, after being out for practically the entire afternoon and the constant texts from his dad, wondering he would be home for dinner, it was time for them to bring their hang out to an end.

“Thanks for today,” Dan said, looking at his shoes.

“Yeah thanks for hanging out with me,” Phil said with a smile.

“Anyways, I’ll see you at school on Monday?” Dan questioned, looking up at Phil.

“You already know it.”

“Uh, bye!” Dan said before giving Phil a shy peck on the cheek. He gave an awkward wave before walking away with a blush deeper than the one on Phil.

Phil placed touched his cheek and felt himself blush. In that moment he was sure of so many things: Dan had a super cute face and smile, it was more than okay to talk to new people, and that he definitely had a real crush.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally written and posted in June of 2016. 
> 
> Thank you to maetaurus for betaing.


End file.
